Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
