I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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