she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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