I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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