You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
