but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
