i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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