Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize