The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
