what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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