There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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