After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize