I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
from now on my penis is your penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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