when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
