I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
