i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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