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she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
