I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
