Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
