we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
