ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
