Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
