My friends, they love my intelligence
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
A bitchslap is in order.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
