Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
