Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i've created a new STD.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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