I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
