As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
