WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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