i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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