You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
