3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
