Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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