sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
