I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
