I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
