I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
