My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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