they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
