I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
