I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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