tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
