Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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