She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
