I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
