She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
