I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
