Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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