Having a random hookup so left but love u
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
