i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize