new low.... made out with someone while peeing
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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