Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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