sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
