Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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