The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
