im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
