North Korea, Best Korea!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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