Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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