Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
