ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
