He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
