talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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