I'm so fucking centered right now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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