FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize