I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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