I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
