There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
