Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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