I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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