Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
