My nipple is on Facebook.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
