I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My dick has a subreddit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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