i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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