the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Someone signed my nipple.
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