alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
