I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
