I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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