We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
