It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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