my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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